I am amazed when I hear otherwise sane people tell me of Kerry's great qualifications to be SecState. He is a total hoax. He knows nothing about foreign affairs, and has throughout his career shown an antipathy towards his own country that puts him in the ranks of, well, Obama.
Anyhow, here is the just slightly off parody I wrote over eight years ago. Still rings pretty accurate, even if I say so myself.
Hope it still brings a chuckle . . . or an outburst of anger.
I will try to do something new; been caught up with all sorts of family stuff that has gotten in the way of my goofing off on the internet.
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
Kerry Interview with "Word War II Magazine" (A Parody -- Just Barely)
We have noticed that John F. Kerry loves to connect with each and every American -- no matter what you do, he's done it, too. We see, therefore, the Swiss-educated Kerry when he's among dairy farmers in the Midwest, well, gosh, he grew up riding a tractor! When he's interviewed by an outdoors magazine, well, don't you know? He owns an AK and hunts deer with a shotgun while crawling on his belly through the woods! He gets asked by the ASPCA for comments about his favorite pet and, gosh, suddenly there was this dog named VC who flew off his patrol boat in Vietnam . . . and then there was that SCUBA-diving hamster. And so on and on. So in that spirit we drafted an interview of Kerry by "World War II History" magazine. We provide it free of charge for the Kerry campaign and for Dan Rather to use.
WWII: Senator Kerry, what would you like WWII veterans to know about you?
JFK: Well, I want them to know that I appreciate their service. That I know what it's like to carry the fight to the enemy in an unpopular war. I know what it's like to patrol the desert, not knowing whether behind the next thatched-roof hut, some crazed Italian Fascist is going to jump you and your patrol boat. I've been there, I guess, that's what I would want the vets to know. I understand what it was like to come home to no ticker-tape parades, to being called a "war criminal reminiscent of Genghis Khan."
WWII: Unpopular war? Desert? Patrol boat? Genghis Khan? Uh, Senator . . .
JFK: I know what it's like to storm the beaches at Normandy. I know about the sacrifices of our brave women and men at Normandy on that June 6, fighting side-by-side, climbing those cliffs together, men and women, white and black; Asian and Hispanic; Jew, Gentile, Muslim, Buddhist, and Scientologist; I was there, I know.
WWII: You were . . .
JFK: Yes, they came from all fifty states, I was especially proud of the veterans from the swing states of Iowa, Florida, Ohio, Wisconsin, Pennsylvania, New Mexico, Colorado and the second district of Maine.
WWII: Fifty states? In 1944 there were only . . .
JFK: I know what it's like to be at the controls of a B-29. I remember when I was the pilot of the Enola Gay. Of course in those days we had to call it Enola Sissy or Enola Homosexual, we didn't have the word "Gay," yet, not that there's anything wrong with an alternative lifestyle, and I was glad to fly a plane dedicated to Gay and Lesbian American fighting men . . .
WWII: Senator, you flew the Enola Gay? Uh, lesbian fighting men . . .
JFK: Nothing wrong with having lesbian fighting men. Nothing wrong, and I have consistently said so, I have never flip-flopped on this issue, there is nothing wrong with fighting men liking women.
WWII: Senator, uh . . .
JFK: I remember that Christmas in 1945, when I was over the skies of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, it's seared into my memory, seared, I tell you, wondering as a young man defending America as I would defend her as President, wondering, if I die what my parents would be told. I knew President Hoover was denying that Americans were bombing Japan, and yet, there I was, there I was. What would they tell my parents? But I didn't die, I came back to tell the truth about the war and I am proud of what I said and did. I know people criticized me for reading Ezra Pound, but he was telling truth to power. The Germans didn't attack Pearl Harbor! We all knew it then, it was the worst kept secret imaginable, and yet there we were dropping bombs on Germany and Germans, huge armies invading Germany, removing a democratically elected leader, who, I'll admit, sure he wasn't my cup of tea, but if we were going to remove him, why not remove Mussolini, why not invade Italy, too? We pushed away our Vichy French allies and suffered 90% of the casualties on the Western Front. The state of New York contributed more troops than did Swaziland to the liberation of Europe. Do you call that an alliance? We had to bribe the Australians to join us, coerce the British, too.
WWII: The Australians and the British? They were in it since 1939. Uh, I think we need to end . . .
JFK: I want America's World War II veterans to know that I will never send them back to a war in Europe or the Pacific without a plan to win the peace. Look, 60 years later and we still have troops in Japan and Germany. Where's the plan? Where's the plan? I have a plan, yes, I have a plan.