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Monday, February 25, 2013

No Politics For You and Funeral Showers

I want to avoid politics today. I am going to try write about stuff that has nothing to do with politics. Here goes.

The Oscars? Didn't watch them. Haven't watched in years. When I was kid the Oscars were a big deal. Now, who cares? A bunch of movies most of us have not seen, very often dealing with and glorifying social deviancy. I also heard that Michelle "Helmet Head" Obama made an appearance at the show.  That . . . oh, never mind. No politics today, no politics today . . .

The only movie I saw was "Argo" which won best picture. I have written before about that film, noting that it was a good straight-forward, basic feat of story-telling with about 80% accuracy. Not bad. It, however, was a politically correct film: no mention of Ronald Reagan or the 1980 election; featured an interview with Jimmy Carter as the credits rolled; and, of course, a couple of Hollywood producers were the co-heroes. I gather the libs were up in arms about "Zero Dark Thirty" because it is allegedly inaccurate in its portrayal of the importance that Bush administration "enhanced interrogation" played in getting the information that led to Bin Ladin. Suddenly Hollywood liberals are concerned about accuracy in films?!? Will we see Oliver Stone and Michael Moore put before the firing squad? Right. Deep breathing, no politics today, no politics today, no politics today . . .

My wife has been invited to a wedding shower. In the course of our lives we all have been to innumerable wedding showers, baby showers, retirement parties, bar mitzvahs, bachelor parties, etc. I want to propose something else: funeral showers. I wrote many years ago (reposted here) that modern science has moved us well beyond our design specifications. I believe that nature wanted us out of the way by the time we turn forty: notice that everything you need to avoid becoming a saber-toothed tiger's lunch begins to go by that age. We become a burden on the tribe. Most of us, or at least those of us who live in the scientific West and refuse to live "organic" lifestyles, can reasonably expect to live into our 80s and beyond. That gives us plenty of time to hold a funeral shower. I am not talking about planning your funeral--who cares?--or leaving detailed instructions on what you want done with you and your stuff (I understand that my kids want me to die on a Tuesday night as Wednesday morning is trash pick-up day.)

I am talking about holding a party when you're still healthy enough to hold one and making it your funeral shower. Gifts are to be expected and you should register at your local Corvette or Kimber Arms dealer. I want presents! I want to hear flowery and inaccurate speeches praising all of my inconsequential achievements while I am still able to do so. I think Vegas would be a great destination for funeral showers--and Nevada is a concealed carry state.

You see, this is what happens when I go cold turkey on politics . . .

21 comments:

  1. Psalm 90:10
    King James Version (KJV)
    10 The days of our years are threescore years and ten; and if by reason of strength they be fourscore years, yet is their strength labour and sorrow; for it is soon cut off, and we fly away.

    Nope, we're designed to live a long tme, though it's not clear if we're supposed to have any fun, ever.

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  2. (I understand that my kids want me to die on a Tuesday night as Wednesday morning is trash pick-up day.)

    Either that's something common with most of our generation's kids or it could be something we oldsters aren't hip to on social media - I've overheard that too. Doggone hearing aids.

    Arkie

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  3. Ah DiploMad, a little ray of sunshine, a brief interlude of humor before we head back to the trenches.

    When we first moved to Rhode Island we had a married couple come to the door to sell us a burial plot. I said "Not needed, if local law forbids putting me on a platform over in yonder wood, then put me out with the trash."

    The Missus did NOT think that was funny. Nor did the purveyors of fine burial plots, I think they stopped running at the bottom of our street.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Never could understand the desire to buy a burial plot. Stick me in my Corvette and leave me at the Costco.

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    2. As long as the Keys are left in the Vette so I can swing by and take you on a little joy ride...in MY new Vette.

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    3. Take the parts that you can use, then dump or burn the rest. Clearly I'm not using it anymore.

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  4. Dip,
    I volunteer my ranch the Tangle-T for your funeral shower!!! I love the idea!!!! You can also register at gun shows and gun shops for that very special gift/gift card/ or selection of your choice. You can register for boxes of ammo to go with the collection of guns you already have but need ammo for!

    And I have a lake for fishing and nobody can beat our grass fed/no hormone beef barbeque! And may I suggest we either hold it on Texas Independence day or Cinco de Mayo (just as fun and best yet my hubbie makes terrific frozen margueritas! So, I have the ranch stationery ready to print!! Let's make it a day. You can start a whole new trend in showers!!

    East Texas Rancher!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't forget to invite your loyal readers too! ETR's ranch sounds like it could be a slice of heaven.

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    2. I'm in, and hold mine too, next, while we're at it.....Either date is good....
      Let's paaaaaaarty...
      Jack

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    3. Count me in. I'm thinking that being dead in Texas probably beats being alive in some other places!

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  5. SandraC Sez:

    Enjoyed the brief interlude, but honestly, you do MUCH better dealing with politics!

    If not politics, just dig into your memory chest of the weird happenings from your illustrious career...

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  6. Good lord! has diplomad devolved to death and dying now? On the other hand, I sorta like the idea of a party in east Texas. West Texas is god-forsaken country, but there is pretty land in the eastern part of the state.

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    Replies
    1. I lived in West Texas for 7 years...beautiful country. But the area around El Paso is more like a war zone now, sadly.

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  7. No politics? Heh. Maybe use some of your inside knowledge and call Kerry, I hear he's very lonely.

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  8. What a hoot! I especially liked this phrase:

    "I want presents! I want to hear flowery and inaccurate speeches praising all of my inconsequential achievements while I am still able to do so. I think Vegas would be a great destination..."

    This is something that is doable - as you know, performance is our middle name, which beats 'perforated' by a country mile! The plans are to take one of Hillary Clinton's "So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish" reception speeches and just plug in your name. You are going to be so impressed!

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  9. That "funeral shower" has already been invented, and is called the "birthday party".

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  10. A Sincere “Thank You” to the American People & A Couple Requests:

    Back when Thomas Nast got around to attiring our Uncle Sam in 1876 none of us had a clue what was gonna be happening come 1981 when Congress raised the statutory debt limit above $500 million requiring me to be made. The technology of 1876 being what it was, I admit it made perfect sense to put Sam’s feet into boots featuring tips made of railroad steel. But the tech of 1981 being what it was, the least Congress could do was build me out of some of that steel US Navy ships were being made of but no, nobody foresaw the terrible damaging dentings I was to be taking over the next few decades. Sure as heck not since 2002, and certainly not since 2008!

    Fortunately the American People are an enterprising people and for that I am eternally grateful which leads me to offer my first of sincerest Thank Ya’ll Mighty Kindlys. I secondly issue another Thankee Kindly for electing a Federal Gubmint which had the foresight to first, come up with the idea of a Sequester and then have the Congress vote to implement it.

    Sitting out here on this macadam I don’t get too many opportunities to listen to the news but lately a few pedestrians have been close enough for me to overhear the possibility that come Friday, I won’t have to tighten up my sphincter in preparation for Uncle Sam to be coming around intent on using his rail-steel tips to kick me further down The Road.

    Come to think of it, The Road itself should be included in both my Thanks Ya’ll & the small requests. The Road realize was built with 1876 technology too. During however short a period this Sequester will last, ya’ll might consider writing your Congress Critters requesting them to take me off this macadam altogether and place me in one of them blow-up tents filled with all those squishy soft balls I’ve noticed ya’ll kids play in at the County Fairs and amusement parks during my frequent fly-bys.

    Ya’ll breathe easy now ‘cause I’m not gonna be requesting orthopedic surgery to change my tin-canned appearance ‘cause even I retain sense enough to know replacing my tin skin with titanium would bust the budget and I’d get kicked a few more times even if you The Electorate manage to get me placed in one of them amusement park ball tents. Maybe a little Kevlar could be scrounged to wrap me in.

    My primary request however has nothing to do with me, rather I think Uncle Sam’s outfit could use a little updating since we’re no longer in the 19th Century rather the 21st. Of course keep him dressed in The Red, White and Blue and while I don’t think putting him in a ballcap would be right, I think Stetson could come up with something appropriate. My main request though has to do with his footwear. Might ya’ll consider taking him out of those old fashioned boots and putting him in a pair of Air Jordans?

    Thank You,
    The American Deficit Can

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  11. For us all, I offer something I just came upon. A ray of upbeat hope, a positive point, that I stumbled upon, and I expect most of us here, in sober moments of thoughts of current reality, would like to read, maybe even bookmark, as a supportive rock, a reminder, in these times, between our macabre partays. Even has an appropriate quotation from our founding hero, George Washington, in analogous tough times of uncharted waters in 1786.

    Starts out: "No morn ever dawned more favorable than ours did; and no day was ever more clouded than the present!...." and more...

    In this article entitled: The Next Sunrise -- The Light of Liberty
    Illegitimi non Carborundum! (I have a good blue silk tie with that great inscription prominently displayed, my favorite)

    This warming tome contains inspiring and reminding stories, historic and personal, and references and quotes of merit, of analogous times in history. It is worthy of your time.

    http://patriotpost.us/alexander/16876


    Jack

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  12. Dip, have you seen a reference anywhere else to a new litmus test for senior officers? Very disturbing, as the title says. Thanks for all you do.

    http://armstrongeconomics.com/2013/02/26/very-disturbing/

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  13. I wouldn't care to hazard a guess whether this might somehow relate to Benghazi... except that the timing (if accurate) is curious...

    "On the military side, the administration has established direct contact with rebel leaders but has limited aid to communications equipment delivered indirectly. A push last summer to arm the rebels, backed by then-Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton, then-CIA Director David H. Petraeus and Defense Secretary Leon E. Panetta..."

    http://www.washingtonpost.com/world/national-security/us-considers-direct-aid-to-syrian-rebels/2013/02/26/4af93d3c-8033-11e2-b99e-6baf4ebe42df_story.html

    Arkie

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  14. Diplomad and the seven readers, did any of you catch the photo of JoKe in today's WSJ, page A6 (World News)? JoKe is wagging his finger at an unidentified fellow in uniform who looks like he's about to burst out laughing.

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