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Tuesday, August 6, 2013

The Diplomad Will Be No More

I am giving it up. No more Diplomad. No more working for nothing except insults.

I am taking this great offer which came by email this morning. I blacked out the email address and phone number so one of you seven readers won't beat me to this offer.

"Dear Friend, I am happy to inform you about my success in getting those funds transferred under the cooperation of a new partner from India though I tried my best to involve you in the business but God decided the whole situations. Presently I am in India for investment projects with my own share of the total sum. Meanwhile, I didn't forget your past efforts and attempts to assist me in transferring those funds despite that it failed some how. Now contact my secretary in Burkina Faso, her name is Mariam Bello. On her email address (xxxxxx) and phone number xxxxxxx.

Ask her to send you the cheque of $400,000.00 which I kept for your compensation for all the past efforts and attempts to assist me in this matter. Feel free to contact her and instruct her where to send the amount to you without any further delay. . . "

I think it's legitimate. It does not mention Nigeria, so it has to be. I mean the authorities in Burkina Faso would not let a scam run, right?

Yep, that's it. I am gonna be rich. I am sending them my bank and credit card info so they can deposit my $400,000.

Bye.

WLA

39 comments:

  1. You lucky bastard! How come I never fall into a sweet deal like that?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Let me help you. Send me your bank and credit card info . . .

      Delete
    2. Your pensions future under King Obama......August 6, 2013 at 4:17 PM

      Don't get mad, get even.

      Send me twenty bucks US, I double-dog-guarantee I will send by return post $100,000,000,000,000 Zimbabwe.

      No credit card info required, just a regular Andrew Jackson.

      You know you always wanted to be a trillionaire, impress the ladies.

      Delete
    3. What's the going rate for Zimbabwe dinero? 100,000,000,000,000,000 to 1 U.S. dollar? Still an interesting offer. Of course, if the Fed continues the Quantitative Easing (by putting our printing presses into overdrive) our inflation rate will soon equal theirs.

      Delete
  2. Burkino Faso brings up fond memories. Once, in the days before cell phones, I was at O'Hare waiting for a plane and needed to make a phone call using my ATT phone credit card. In those days, you stood at a pay phone and dialed in the credit card number followed by the phone number. I made my call successfully, got on the plane, and returned home.

    A few days later I got a call from AT&T: "Sir, did you make a phone call to Birkino Faso recently? You have a charge of $125 for a call made to there two days ago."

    ReplyDelete
  3. Reed the Old EditorAugust 6, 2013 at 12:25 PM

    Is there any way I can get in on this? It's a great offer. A better plan for retirement than investing in lottery tickets.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, just send me your bank and credit card info . . . .

      Delete
  4. I wonder if any of your other six readers works at the NSA. If he could get access to the credit card info of The One, then HE could get the money from Burkina Faso and use it to pay for Obamacare! Win-win!

    ReplyDelete
  5. So, you gonna finally pay me that 20 bucks you own me, right?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sure, send me your bank and credit card info . . .

      Delete
  6. These scam work often enough to make the effort from these criminals worth their effort. A few years ago, a close relative fell for a Nigerian sex scammer that used pro women to entice older men into marriage proposals while of course needing funds for certain legal problems in Nigeria associated with business dealings gone awry, such as gold mining. My relative fell so hard for her that he bought a ticket to go visit his fetching young beauty and marry her in Nigeria. Fortunately I got wind of his trip and put a stop to it. I think it only cost him $20,000 before he realized he was swindled. True story. We laugh at this but the US government people I contacted to help keep him from flying said this is a common problem.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I got one of those. It turns out that Mobutu Sese Seko needed me to hold funds in trust for him.

    Amazing how he could do that from beyond the grave.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Please, Dear and Beloved Diplomad! Stay with us! Your blogs are one thin line to sanity. This loss would be devastating! Ignore the siren call to riches! We, the little ones, need you!

    ReplyDelete
  9. If it will persuade you to stay, I will be your eighth regular reader.

    ReplyDelete
  10. And me and my family will be 9th, 10th and 11th regular reader.
    PLEASE don't leave us (intellectually) starved -) .

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm on for 12th, but really uneasy about providing any more info. I have asked again and again for my password back - ain't coming.

      Delete
  11. Just like all rich people. You could stay and help the rest of us but, nope, you're pulling up the ladder behind you. Be like that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey, get your own ticket to Burkina Faso, the Land of Opportunity

      Delete
  12. The African Kings currency printer......August 6, 2013 at 3:56 PM

    Pfffft......don't quit for that chump change, I will counter offer you $100,000,000,000,000 Zimbabwe to stay.

    http://boingboing.net/2013/03/21/100-trillion-dollars-banknote.html



    ReplyDelete
  13. Dear Diplomad,
    Thanks for responding to my mail to you; it really gave me more assurance to reveal a matter that is of great importance to me that could prove very profitable to both of us. Please be rest assured of its legality as it come with best of intentions.
    My name is Ms. Alien Hanson, I have sense that you seem like an honest and trustworthy person who can handle confidential business with me. What I am about to disclose to you is highly confidential and I trust that you will keep my confidence.
    A sum of USD$5,500 000.00 was supposed to be moved from my bank to Rio De Janeiro Brazil, a certain client through a courier services department. After doing all the processes to move the funds the package containing the fund was returned to me a couple of times, reason being the recipient did not turn up to receive or claim it. I have kept this money deposited with a save fund department here in England.
    I contacted you based on the form that you are business-oriented, and I hope you won’t disappoint me in anyway. Knowing fully well that I am not a business woman and this is my first time of engaging in this kind of business transaction with somebody I don’t know personally, I expect trust, willingness and unity between the two of us during the course of this transaction. Moreover we should be clear and honest to each other because I believe that we both stand to gain immensely. And I hope at the end of the day you will have 30% while 70% will be for me of which shall be invested together into a joint venture with you at the end of the successfully conclusion of the transaction and also the fact that I have decided to settle down in your country upon completion of this deal.
    If you are willing to cooperate with me on this assignment get back to me.
    Yours sincerely,
    Ms. Alien Hanson

    ReplyDelete
  14. It seems Sir that you have all the qualifications to become a government employee. On your way to picking up your new-found wealth you might want to put in an application with your local government representative. Who knows what can work out, eh?
    .........................

    I Believe, I Do (Words and Music by Tom Paxton)

    I Believe, I do, I believe its true.
    I believe exactly what they tell me to.
    I believe, I do. I believe its true.
    I’m a simple guy, I believe.

    Oh the building inspector came around,
    And he poked his head inside my door
    Just as the plaster missed his head
    Then he smiled and said,
    “Well the building looks quite safe to me."

    And I believe, I do, I believe its true.
    I believe exactly what they tell me to.
    I believe, I do. I believe its true.
    I’m a simple guy, I believe.

    The politician told me just the other day,
    That he really didn’t want the job at all,
    But he would make this sacrifice for me,
    If I would only place my trust in him.

    And I believe, I do. I believe its true.
    I believe exactly what they tell me to.
    I believe, I do. I believe its true.
    I’m a simple guy, I believe.

    And the labor leader told his membership,
    That his limousine was no extravagance at all.
    His cocktail parties at Miami Beach,
    Merely helped him roll the Union on.

    And I believe, I do. I believe its true.
    I believe exactly what they tell me to.
    I believe, I do. I believe its true.
    I’m a simple guy, I believe.

    The Commissioner of Public Safety called,
    On the people to support their local cops,
    Who never ever use any extra force,
    When a kindly word would do as well.

    And I Believe, I do. I believe its true.
    I believe exactly what they tell me to.
    I believe, I do. I believe its true.
    I’m a simple guy, I believe.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Nan G.

    Are you SURE you live in So Cal and not Utah?
    I was born in So Cal and lived there until hubby retired this March.
    We've only been living in Utah a few months but already I've met more gullible people than in ALL my years in So Cal!
    I mean, an entire pro soccer team supported by sales of ''xanga juice!"
    And more people scared to death of floride in water than you could image.
    Did you know you cannot ever see an owl in daytime? They are ''nocturnal!"
    Con artists have a field day here in Utah!

    ReplyDelete
  16. shucks, you're lucky; the only offers I get in my email are for "cheap Canadian Pharmaceuticals."

    ReplyDelete
  17. Sir! You do not fool one wise in the ways of the world. A tawdry charade to elicit supplication from your faithful readership. I will not be gulled into this, slink away sir, slink away! Oh, are you sure it's spelled Bello not Belleau.

    ReplyDelete
  18. You really had me going there.....that first line made me want to throw something! Keep up the research and get back to us 7 with all the info (just in case it's true!)

    ReplyDelete
  19. Mr. Amselem, my grandfather helped build the Brooklyn Bridge. I kid you not, and there's a photo of a bunch of his descendants standing on it with as many other descendents of BB builders as could be found for the centennial(not including yours truly, for I was out of the country at the time). When you've recouped your Burkino Faso investment, please contact me so I can sell you my not-inconsiderable share in one of America's iconic structures.

    BTW, I've recently gotten a job offer to work for a Nigerian investment firm.

    ReplyDelete
  20. You have seven readers, Diplomad. I somehow doubt your sincerity when you proclaim you're giving up blogging because you're tired of being insulted by your lack of readership.

    -Blake

    ReplyDelete
  21. I'm shocked! SHOCKED I tell you that you lot don't believe this wonderful offer that the kind Burkino faso gentleman has made.

    To help you "believe" try THIS:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jmWLJmbytkk

    (it's British from the 1980's)

    Phil B

    ReplyDelete
  22. If you promise to stay I will fund your needs and wants from my powerball win tonight. Please send bank information as I will direct deposit for your convenience.




    pmc

    ReplyDelete
  23. Diplomad Maximo -

    1. Does this mean that Crown Prince Emperor Sammy-13 will not be sending, as token of his appreciation for my bank numbers, the platinum Rolls which he swore was owned previously by the Shah of Incirlik?

    2. During recent travels, chatted with a fine young gent from Zimbabwe, whose family had been prosperous business people prior to its fundamental transformation.

    This fellow said he was delighted to share observations in common re what happened to Rhodesia as is presently being done to America. This chap expressed disheartenment that so many in our country with whom he speaks remain oblivious to patterns long obvious to him.

    However, after reading your column and the posts beneath, I've now a snappy PC retort to any who express pessimisim about the miracle of fundamental transformation, 'yeah, Rhodesia might have been the Breadbasket of Africa, but now in Zimbabwe, everyone's a trillionaire!"

    I know, the line may be inane, callously dismissive, moronic, and banal in an evil sort of way but it still should be copyrighted lest they use it for the 2016 prexy elections. Provided of course there is a 2016.

    Yours in optimism,

    We will prevail in true health, peace, and freedom from fear thru the purity of essence of our natural fluids*,

    Paul Vincent Zecchino

    ....and then he hung up. we're still trying to figure out the meaning of that last part, Mr. President...*


    * - Gen. Buck Turgidson (George C. Scott), c. 1964, Hawk Films, Ltd. "Dr. Strangelove"

    ReplyDelete
  24. If you haven't heard of the scam-baiter website wwww dot 419eater dot com, well ... you should. Browse their forums when you feel a need for a dose of hilarity.

    ReplyDelete
  25. You could try this (it's a PDF of part of a book) written by a Scottish man that baits the scammers. Genuinely funny and worth the effort ...

    http://www.bobservant.com/resources/Lions$2C+Gold+and+Confusion+SAMPLERpdf.pdf

    Phil B

    ReplyDelete
  26. Given today's economic climate, I'd send your name five or six times.

    ReplyDelete
  27. You scared me for a moment. I was tremendously relieved as I read the whole thing. You are a voice of insight and reason that I value reading. And loved today's piece about decisions. Well done. Now get your damn book done!!!!

    ReplyDelete